Friday, March 25, 2011

This is more difficult than I thought...

So I am finding that being a stay-at-home mom is more difficult than I once thought.  My oldest (who is four) has one more year until kindergarten.  I find myself counting down the days until he is somebody else's problem for a few hours a day.

I know that seems like an awful thing to say and feel about your own child but let's get real....most of us have had those feelings we just don't like to admit them.

Let me just say that I do love both my children with all my heart and would give my own life for them if needed.  However, my oldest is quite the handful.  He has more energy with the shortest attention span of any child I have ever come into contact with.  This requires constant and ever changing stimulation that I just can't keep up with. 

Between trying to keep the house in order, take care of two children, take care of myself, cook, run errands and have time for my husband I just can't seem to keep my oldest occupied for more than five minutes at a time. 

What happens the rest of the time?

Pure chaos!  This leads to feelings of doubt as to whether I'm really cut out for this whole mommy thing.  Which in turn leads to depression because all I ever wanted growing up was to be a mom.  Never in a million years did I think I would have a child that was so demanding of stimulation that I simply cannot provide.

Oh yes...I have heard of preschool.  I would LOVE for him to be in preschool, but since we are a one income family it's just not in the budget at this time.  I am on the constant look out for an affordable preschool, but they are few and far between and difficult to get into.

All in all, I do love my job and yes it really is a job.  It's just more difficult than I thought and sometimes I need to own up to my feelings and let them go to be a better mom and person. 

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