Wednesday, May 25, 2011

When Someone Makes You Blue

When is enough enough?  When is too much more than any person can handle?

I have been going over those questions recently after an incident with a friend.  It was someone I once counted as one of my closest friends.  Over the past several years our friendship has changed a lot.  The distance between us has grown and our lives have gone down very different paths.

It has been hard for me to gage if this friend has similar feelings towards me as they seem to go on as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed.  This attitude has only added my questioning whether or not this is a friendship I want or should continue.  It has been hard for me to call it quits, to say goodbye.  I consider myself to be fiercely loyal to my friends, almost to a fault by becoming a door mat for some.  So when someone hurts me or wrongs me, I do not always defend myself or tell that person how they have made me feel.  Which is exactly what I am doing this time around.

I said something recently, that was my own opinion of a news article.  A few friends commented on what I had said and we had a very normal conversation about the event that surrounded the article.  One friend in particular, took great offense and lost sight of my original opinion of a very specific point.  They blasted me and made me out to be a heartless monster.  The attack had absolutely nothing to do with my opinion or issue I took with the content of the article.  I have been left shell shocked and sick to my stomach.  Of course all of this was done on facebook for every one of my friends to see and read.  I ended up taking down the post of the article and my opinion, not because I felt like I was in the wrong but because I didn't want people seeing the exchange.  I felt like the reason I had posted the article had been lost and it wasn't worth keeping up.

This wouldn't be the first time this friend has had that kind of reaction towards me (again this is someone I've always considered one of my closest and dearest friends).  Although this would be the first time it happened on facebook.  I am now left licking my wounds wondering if it's really worth trying to hold onto this friendship.  Is this person really my friend?  Would they defend me until they were blue in the face, beating their head against a wall like I've done for them?

I really don't know anymore.  This time I feel like too much has built up to put aside for the sake of our friendship.  At the same time, I just don't know if I can stomach ending our friendship as I love this person as if they were my own blood.

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